The Case for Having Kids

Hubby and I have 4 kids.

We have been called clinically insane, asked what were we thinking, questioned were they accidents, cornered if we have been trying for a particular gender.

Yes, We wanted 4, No – they were all planned, No – we prefer for God to give.

As the leaders of Singapore bang their heads on the wall, trying to increase the incentives to encourage our younger generation to have kids, I cannot help but ponder about the reasons I wanted to have kids. The crazy life that we led did not allow much time for the luxury of pondering often.

Hubby and I were young and naïve. We started our lives together wanting kids immediately. Perhaps it was expected by our family, perhaps it is just what people do. Whatever the reason, we discussed and decided that 4 is a good number. Not realizing that we had just made the biggest, most life-changing decision a couple can make, we proceeded to make that dream happen.

That was all – a decision. It was tough being young and inexperienced. Even with great family support, trying to be good parents and juggling careers which have just started to sprout was difficult. We had our ups and downs and with God’s grace, manage to survive many storms together.

Would I have done anything different? Surprisingly, I have to admit that I would not. Knowing what I know now, I would still have gone ahead and have the 4 kids I have now. I might not have known the exact reasons I wanted to have kids then; but I know now, why I would have done it.

1. It was an act that was beyond me – it was a great blessing to be able to witness a miracle in the creation of life.


2. The enjoyment of family life – I have a purpose in life and know what I am working so hard for.


3. Knowing that I am needed and that I need them completes my life as a human being.

That’s it? What about the stress, what about the money, what about the time?

I learnt very early in my life that anything worth working for comes with hard work and sacrifice. If I had put all the above as obstacles in having kids, I would never have them. I saw through the difficulties. I know that the results would be something I can be very proud of. It would be an amazing endorsement of the purpose of my life. I am only human and I fail frequently. But I pick myself up and keep going. We had to make a lot of sacrifices along the way – many like the ones our parents made for us.

I only have one message for folks who are still undecided about your own flesh and blood in your life.

Your life will never be the same again. The decision to have a child will change you forever. You will never be humbler or loved. Or more forgiven and needed. Your heart will never ache more or more overflowing with pride. You will never miss your child so much or be missed by your child so much. Never has material things be so small and unimportant; or a drawing your child gave you be so priceless.

“Dear Daddy & Mummy, What you want & don’t get you still get love from me.”

Bliss

It is a Saturday morning. Every Saturday, Hubby and I get to sleep in a little. When I say sleep in, I mean not waking up at 6am.

At exactly 7am, I hear the pitter patter of little feet - namely my 5 year old son - zipping pass my bedroom to get to the remote control first so he gets to watch the rest of the "My Little Pony" series. Followed closely by my 7 year old son, who is now trying to whisper instructions to the 5 year old. For fear of waking us up.

You can recognize the walking sound of my 11 year old girl. She walks, or rather skips, and hums to herself at the same time. I can hear the muffled suggestion she is making and then settling down to watch TV with her younger brothers. There is no noise as my 13 year old teenage son stealthily slips pass my bedroom, bags ("chope" for you locals) the seat to the MacBook.  I hear him occasionally winding his sibs up, but mostly just the tapping of the keyboard and swishing of the mouse.

I turn to face my Hubby. He is snoring gently away peacefully. It is a great picture to wake up to, someone you love sleeping. The warm bed and the gentle breeze blowing through my bedroom. The background of TV, computer and the snippets of sibling conversation.

Bliss.

With the bliss is also the knowledge that time and tide waits for no man. I am running out of time. My babies are no longer babies. They are individuals in their own right. I raised them to be so. That's the way it should be. While I am very proud of each and every one of them, I wipe a tear off the corner of my eye every time I think of them leaving my side to live their own exciting lives.

The breast feeding and diaper changes seem endless when they were babies.  But now that even my 5 year old can make a Nutella sandwich and pour a cup of milk for his breakfast, I wistfully think of the times when they were fully dependent on me. Oh why was I just trying to get it over and done with instead of enjoying the moment?

I know hubby would disagree with me. He is glad all the hard work is done. He misses the times when they were young but he is enjoying the now much more than the past. He still laughs when we recollect the times of silliness but looks forward to our next family outing or holiday

After all, we only have now since we don't know what the future holds. So love and laugh as much as we can today. The past is history and tomorrow can wait.

 

PS: I wrote this entire post while getting my hair washed, cut and treated. And trying to make small talk to my hairdresser without looking like I am ignoring him.

My One and Only Resolution in 2013

I am always grateful for the start of a new year. This means a chance to ask for forgiveness, start over and do my best. It means goals and resolutions for the new year of life I have been blessed with. It also gives me a chance to review the past year and how I can change.

Experience have shown me that trying to do too much at one time will only cause me to get frustrated easily and thus, give up. Plus, who can keep track of so many resolutions? I for one cannot. Instead of feeling like a failure at the end of 2013, I have decided to only do one thing this year.

To stop saying I have no time.

Easier said than done? The fact is I caught myself playing Bingo on the iPad and making sure my family in Virtual Families work on their career, when I could spend a bit more time with my family. I caught myself saying I am busy to my kids and will not be able to talk to them, when all I was doing was surfing the web. I watched too much TV. I moped. I stay up way too late and drink too much coffee. I am too lazy to write in my blog or post my own links on Facebook. It is not that I don't have enough time.

What I don't have enough is energy. The vicious cycle of being stressed up at work and having too little sleep for what I am trying to accomplished, contributed to my laggard behavior. Adding to it is my not-so-fantastic diet, lack of regular exercise and sweating the small stuff attitude. Thus, lack of energy due to the lack of internal resources and draining what little of them, focused on unimportant things.

So to be able to fulfill my resolution of stop saying I have no time, I must know the things that are most important to me and make them a priority. Let the other things drop and not sweat them.

Will I make it? There is only one way to find out.

Success

I was at a work discussion when this question was asked.

"How do you know if you have succeeded?"

Indeed how do I know? How would I know if I have been successful as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, work? How would I know if I have succeeded as a person?

That was something I was still thinking about on my way home that day. Was there a ruler, a measure of sorts that would tell me I have succeeded?

What does success even means? In God's eyes? In society's eyes? In mine?

Am I successful now?

I thought long and hard and I came to the conclusion that I have always been successful. Sure I fail plenty - but most times, I have been successful. Success is not a destination - it is the journey, it is in every single thing that I do, in everything I believe in. The evidence is there if I just look hard enough.

I know I have succeeded when my teenage son welcome me home with a hug.
I know I have succeeded when my husband says "I love you!"
I know I have succeeded when my daughter's message on a home-made card tells me I have made a difference in her life.
I know I have succeeded when my father ask me to help him write a letter.
I know I have succeeded when my younger sons want me to read "another" bedtime story.
I know I have succeeded when my girlfriend calls me for lunch just to talk.
I know I have succeeded when my boss pats me on the back and says, "Well done!"
I know I have succeeded when my mother buys me mangosteens because I love them.
I know I have succeeded when complete strangers tell me what an inspiration I am to them.
I know I have succeeded when the last thing I do everyday is to give thanks to God.

What about you? How do you know if you have succeeded?

Meal Planning : Week of 16 Jan 2012

Yikes! I have not kept up...Okay enough of beating myself up since this is most likely to happen again. Now to make good my committment.

I am getting better at this and also better at improvising. With a big familym, it was inevitable that plans change mid-week. For us this week, my third son fell ill. So all lunch and dinner plans were in disarray. With lots of leftover uncooked ingredients, I also used it to plan out the following week's meal plan.

For the next post, it will be a special Chinese New Year post! Stay tuned.

Star Recipe - Coca Cola Chicken Wings by NoobCook  [gallery columns="4"]

This was one of the easiest dish I have ever made! Literally, it took me about half hour from assembling ingredients (chicken wings must be thawed) to plating. No. 3 licked his plate and asked for more. Its silky gravy was great for rice and the wings was a quick cook. The sticky sweet yet savoury flavour was what kept us going back for more! Definitely a keeper - and you can cook it for a party in large quantities without ever breaking out a sweat!

Meal Plan - 16 Jan 2012

Monday
Lunch - Plain Porridge, Fried Eggs, Sardines with Onions
Dinner - Bak Kut Teh Soup with rice, Blanched Spinach

Tuesday
Lunch - Steamed Chicken with Baby Corn and Enoki Mushrooms with Rice
Dinner - Pan Fried Tengiri Steaks, Steamed Tofu with Fried Shallots, Stir Fry Pea Shoots, Rice

Wednesday
Lunch - Baked Beans on Toast, Canned Potato Soup
Dinner - Corn Soup, Coca Cola Chicken Wings, Stir Fry Mixed Vegetables

Thursday
Lunch - Minced Meat with cubed potatoes and onions in Soy Gravy on Mee Sua
Dinner - Reunion Dinner Out

Friday
Lunch - Leftover from Thursday
Dinner - Leftover Night

Weekly Meal Planning Learning Experiences

1. Be prepared for changes in the family schedule. Most importantly, to have a relaxed attitude and go with the flow.


2. Keep a list of the favourite recipes and what works best with your family. This is a valuable resource to have when doing meal planning.


3. Take care not to repeat a favourite recipe too many times or it will lose its lusture. :)


4. Give yourself a challenge to explore 1 new recipe a week.

My total grocery bill this week, which includes non-food items, came to $183.39.

Meal Planning : Week of 9 Jan 2012

This week was a hectic week (Who am I kidding? Everyweek is hectic!) with Chinese New Year looming near and kids homework ramping up and spelling sheets flying everywhere!

I was able to shop better and stick better to the plan with last week's experience. I was also able to improvise and change plans when family or work plans change. This week I decided that I will not show you what I plan but just what worked for me. I realised that it might have been too confusing.

Because I was committed to this process, I was also able to save money on my own work lunches by packing leftovers to work. Since I only cooked food that my family enjoys, lunch was very enjoyable to me. Portion control is easier since I packed it myself. Double-duty, so stretching not just every dollar but every minute.

Star recipe - Chicken Rice cooked using Rice Cooker

It was easy to prepare, since it only took me half hour to ready all the ingredients and 15mins to finish the process and put it into the rice cooker. To add a side, steamed up broccoli or throw some baby spinach (or what every green vegetables you fancy) into the rice cooker 10mins before serving.

I used chicken drumsticks so it was smooth and tender. The rice was fragrant and delicious with some lemon chili sauce or sambal belachan. I had a serving of leftovers which froze beautiful and heated up like it just came out of the rice cooker. I was the envy of my colleagues since it smelled so good :)

Meal Plan - 9 Jan 2012

Monday
Lunch - Chicken Rice cooked using Rice Cooker
Dinner - Grandparents

Tuesday
Baked Beans with Minced Pork and Potatoes, Rice
ABC Soup with Prime Ribs, Rice

Wednesday
Store Bought Lunch
Stew Chicken with Pasta

Thursday
Lunch - Chicken Porridge
Dinner - Teriyaki Salmon on Sushi Rice, Steamed Edamame Beans

Friday
Lunch - Chicken Yee Mee Soup
Dinner - Tomato Pork Chops, Salmon Omelette, Rice

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Weekly Meal Planning Learning Experiences

1. Leftovers are stretched into another meal. For example, the Teriyaki Salmon from Thursday dinner was shredded and used in the Salmon Omelette instead of the original Cai Poh Omelette.


2. Soups can be very nourishing one-dish meals. For example, ABC soup which contains, potatoes, carrots, onions, celery, prime ribs - have everything my kids need.


3. Make Meal Planning a committment. Since I do my grocery shopping on Saturday, I make sure I have my shopping list ready to go by the time I go to bed on Friday.


4. Defrost all meat required the next day in the refrigerator overnight and do as much cutting and preparation as possible.

My total grocery bill this week, which includes non-food items, came to $111.31.

Meal Planning : Week of 2 Jan 2012

So, I had committed to blogging about my meal planning experience. For the last month or so, I have been browsing the internet for recipes that might be suitable for my needs. Namely :

1. Easy


2. Fast


3. Family will eat


4. Nutritious

Out of 10 recipes that I look at, I reject 9. Most recipes do not meet my criteria above in either 1 or 2 areas. But the ones I find, are keepers. I know there will be a period of trial and error, leftovers and frustrations. So I set my expectations right and make sure I have backup plans aka bread, eggs and milk, to ensure my family is still fed.

Then there is the area of making up a shopping list and doing the grocery shopping. Depending on the week's schedule, I may be shopping in Fairprice or in a local wet market or a combination of both. I must also make sure that I do not give into temptation to have LOTS of food in the house or because there is a sale. Not easy. Since I am not a clothes, shoes or jewellery kind of girl, I am a grocery shopaholic. My record was a $500 plus grocery bill at checkout. My kids talked about it for days. So there is only 1 rule when I do grocery shopping. Okay, maybe a couple more.

1. Stick to the shopping list.


2. Allow only up to 3 items of buying extra due to sale price.


3. Eat before shopping.

These rules ensure I stick to the game plan. Speaking of which, here was mine for the last week.

Mon
Breakfast - Waffles with Maple Syrup, Milk, Bananas
Lunch - Chicken Teriyaki Bento  serve with sliced Japanese cucumber
Dinner - Lotus Root and Peanut Soup with Prime Ribs, Orange Pork Ribs, Rice, Stir Fry Long Beans with Silver Fish

Tue
Breakfast - Eggs and Sauteed Mushrooms on Toast, Milk, Apples
Lunch - Chicken Congee
Dinner - Pineapple Rice, Fresh Lettuce/Mixed Greens
Wed
Breakfast - Store Bought Bakes, Milk, Oranges
Lunch - Tuna Sandwiches, Chips
Dinner - Stew Pork Belly, Sweet Buns, Fresh Lettuce/Mixed Greens

Thu
Breakfast - Sweet Oatmeal with Almonds, Milk,Blueberries
Lunch - Pasta Bake
Dinner - Chicken Curry, Rice and Baguette, Fried Hairy Marrow with Vermicelli, Watermelon

Fri
Breakfast - Prata with Chicken Curry, Milk, Watermelon
Lunch - Prawn Noodles
Dinner - Baked Salmon with Asparagus

Here's what I REALLY did. Breakfast was a bust since everyone basically ate whatever they liked that was available. But I did manage to serve fruit a couple of days. Note to self - make sure there is food for breakie and let everyone else choose. This would also work for tea, supper and snack attacks.

Monday - Public Holiday so everyone was at home
Lunch - Curry Chicken
Dinner - Old Cucumber Soup, French Beans fried with Haebihiam, leftover Curry Chicken, Baked Saba Fish

Tuesday - First day of school
Lunch - Teriyaki Chicken Rice, Cucumber slices
Dinner - Fried Pineapple Rice with Toppings



Wednesday
Lunch - Grilled Tuna Fish Sandwich with Chips, Simple Salad
Dinner - Western food at Food court

Thursday
Lunch - Meatball Soup with Rice
Dinner - Pasta Baked

Friday
Lunch - Store-bought Wonton Noodles, Mee Goreng fried by my dad
Dinner - Pork Chops and Buttered Corn for one child due to club meeting, the rest ate at grandparents

Weekly Meal Planning Learning Experiences

1. Frozen saba fish is great to keep as an emergency supply. It is easy to cook in an over with some olive oil and served with some light soy sauce.


2. One-dish meals are easy to cook and serve.


3. The vegetable part of the meal can be serve as small portions of raw vegetables or salads.


4. One must be flexible enough to change things around, swapping meals when schedule changes.


5. There will be leftovers - learn to use them or they will be wasted.


6. One must not be beyond using modern day mixes which are now high in quality.

My total grocery bill this week, which includes non-food items, came to $234.40.