The Case for Having Kids

Hubby and I have 4 kids.

We have been called clinically insane, asked what were we thinking, questioned were they accidents, cornered if we have been trying for a particular gender.

Yes, We wanted 4, No – they were all planned, No – we prefer for God to give.

As the leaders of Singapore bang their heads on the wall, trying to increase the incentives to encourage our younger generation to have kids, I cannot help but ponder about the reasons I wanted to have kids. The crazy life that we led did not allow much time for the luxury of pondering often.

Hubby and I were young and naïve. We started our lives together wanting kids immediately. Perhaps it was expected by our family, perhaps it is just what people do. Whatever the reason, we discussed and decided that 4 is a good number. Not realizing that we had just made the biggest, most life-changing decision a couple can make, we proceeded to make that dream happen.

That was all – a decision. It was tough being young and inexperienced. Even with great family support, trying to be good parents and juggling careers which have just started to sprout was difficult. We had our ups and downs and with God’s grace, manage to survive many storms together.

Would I have done anything different? Surprisingly, I have to admit that I would not. Knowing what I know now, I would still have gone ahead and have the 4 kids I have now. I might not have known the exact reasons I wanted to have kids then; but I know now, why I would have done it.

1. It was an act that was beyond me – it was a great blessing to be able to witness a miracle in the creation of life.


2. The enjoyment of family life – I have a purpose in life and know what I am working so hard for.


3. Knowing that I am needed and that I need them completes my life as a human being.

That’s it? What about the stress, what about the money, what about the time?

I learnt very early in my life that anything worth working for comes with hard work and sacrifice. If I had put all the above as obstacles in having kids, I would never have them. I saw through the difficulties. I know that the results would be something I can be very proud of. It would be an amazing endorsement of the purpose of my life. I am only human and I fail frequently. But I pick myself up and keep going. We had to make a lot of sacrifices along the way – many like the ones our parents made for us.

I only have one message for folks who are still undecided about your own flesh and blood in your life.

Your life will never be the same again. The decision to have a child will change you forever. You will never be humbler or loved. Or more forgiven and needed. Your heart will never ache more or more overflowing with pride. You will never miss your child so much or be missed by your child so much. Never has material things be so small and unimportant; or a drawing your child gave you be so priceless.

“Dear Daddy & Mummy, What you want & don’t get you still get love from me.”

Bliss

It is a Saturday morning. Every Saturday, Hubby and I get to sleep in a little. When I say sleep in, I mean not waking up at 6am.

At exactly 7am, I hear the pitter patter of little feet - namely my 5 year old son - zipping pass my bedroom to get to the remote control first so he gets to watch the rest of the "My Little Pony" series. Followed closely by my 7 year old son, who is now trying to whisper instructions to the 5 year old. For fear of waking us up.

You can recognize the walking sound of my 11 year old girl. She walks, or rather skips, and hums to herself at the same time. I can hear the muffled suggestion she is making and then settling down to watch TV with her younger brothers. There is no noise as my 13 year old teenage son stealthily slips pass my bedroom, bags ("chope" for you locals) the seat to the MacBook.  I hear him occasionally winding his sibs up, but mostly just the tapping of the keyboard and swishing of the mouse.

I turn to face my Hubby. He is snoring gently away peacefully. It is a great picture to wake up to, someone you love sleeping. The warm bed and the gentle breeze blowing through my bedroom. The background of TV, computer and the snippets of sibling conversation.

Bliss.

With the bliss is also the knowledge that time and tide waits for no man. I am running out of time. My babies are no longer babies. They are individuals in their own right. I raised them to be so. That's the way it should be. While I am very proud of each and every one of them, I wipe a tear off the corner of my eye every time I think of them leaving my side to live their own exciting lives.

The breast feeding and diaper changes seem endless when they were babies.  But now that even my 5 year old can make a Nutella sandwich and pour a cup of milk for his breakfast, I wistfully think of the times when they were fully dependent on me. Oh why was I just trying to get it over and done with instead of enjoying the moment?

I know hubby would disagree with me. He is glad all the hard work is done. He misses the times when they were young but he is enjoying the now much more than the past. He still laughs when we recollect the times of silliness but looks forward to our next family outing or holiday

After all, we only have now since we don't know what the future holds. So love and laugh as much as we can today. The past is history and tomorrow can wait.

 

PS: I wrote this entire post while getting my hair washed, cut and treated. And trying to make small talk to my hairdresser without looking like I am ignoring him.

My One and Only Resolution in 2013

I am always grateful for the start of a new year. This means a chance to ask for forgiveness, start over and do my best. It means goals and resolutions for the new year of life I have been blessed with. It also gives me a chance to review the past year and how I can change.

Experience have shown me that trying to do too much at one time will only cause me to get frustrated easily and thus, give up. Plus, who can keep track of so many resolutions? I for one cannot. Instead of feeling like a failure at the end of 2013, I have decided to only do one thing this year.

To stop saying I have no time.

Easier said than done? The fact is I caught myself playing Bingo on the iPad and making sure my family in Virtual Families work on their career, when I could spend a bit more time with my family. I caught myself saying I am busy to my kids and will not be able to talk to them, when all I was doing was surfing the web. I watched too much TV. I moped. I stay up way too late and drink too much coffee. I am too lazy to write in my blog or post my own links on Facebook. It is not that I don't have enough time.

What I don't have enough is energy. The vicious cycle of being stressed up at work and having too little sleep for what I am trying to accomplished, contributed to my laggard behavior. Adding to it is my not-so-fantastic diet, lack of regular exercise and sweating the small stuff attitude. Thus, lack of energy due to the lack of internal resources and draining what little of them, focused on unimportant things.

So to be able to fulfill my resolution of stop saying I have no time, I must know the things that are most important to me and make them a priority. Let the other things drop and not sweat them.

Will I make it? There is only one way to find out.