What is Really Important in a Marriage

Buy Me a Rose by Luther Vandross

He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
But it tears her apart ‘cause nothing’s for her heart
He pulls in late to wake her up with a kiss goodnight
If he could only read her mind, she’d say…

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

Now the days have grown to years of feelin’ all alone
As she sits and wonders if all she’s doin’ is wrong
‘Cause lately she’d try anything just to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she said, if she said…

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

And the more that he lives the less that he tries
To show her the love that he holds inside
And the more that she gives the more that he sees
This is the story of you…and me
So I bought you a rose on the way home from work
To open the door to a heart that I hurt
And I hope you notice this look in my eyes
‘Cause I’m gonna make things right for the rest of your life
And I’m gonna hold you tonight, tonight
Do all those little things for the rest of your life

Everytime I hear this song on the radio, it reminds me to pay attention to the things that really matter in my life, especially in my marriage.  Although the day to day living is important, the Really Important things in a marriage are the ones that look after the heart.

Dear Husband and I have a book for couples that provides a scripture reading and a reflection/story for every day of the year.  It then gives a related discussion topic and prayer.  When we have time, we will read the passage for the day before bedtime.

2 nights ago, the passage was about pleasing one's mate; whether we thought about each other in our daily lives.  The discussion topic was then for each of us to come up with 3 things that would help our mate please us.  As we talked, I realised that we already were doing many things that pleased each other.  However, as I delved deeper and gently encourage my Dear Husband to come up with 3 things, he brought up one that really bothered him.

You see, I have always been a strongly opinionated woman.  I am well read and so always have something to say about almost everything, whether or not anyone is listening - in other words, I am irrepressible.  So during many occasions, I express myself rather strongly, sometimes with no thought about how Dear Husband might feel.  He shared that when I cut him off during conversations or answer questions on his behalf, it annoys and irritates him.  This does not help to better our marriage and in fact, even hurt him at times.

I acknowledged his feelings about this issue and reassured him that I was aware of this tendency of mine; that I am taking steps to change this.  I have to admit that it was difficult to listen to him and I felt myself getting defensive.  However, when I held my tongue and really listened, I learnt about the situations when I really hurt my Dear Husband, and how I could have avoided them.

With 4 kids and full time jobs, we don't always have the time to really listen to each other's needs.  While I need to express my needs, it is also vitally important to listen to Dear Husband's needs.  I am grateful that we had the chance to talk about our needs and the opportunity to better my marriage relationship.

Are you listening to your mate?  What are the 3 things you can do to please your mate?