It's All About Choices

It is all about choices, isn't it?  Life is made up of choices that we all have to make.  To marry or not, to marry this person or that, to have kids or not, to have 2 kids or 4, to work or stay home, to trust or not, to love or not - these are all choices.

Right or wrong, good or bad - we also have to live with the consequences of our choices.

Ever since I became a mother 10 years ago, I have been struggling with this one choice that I made.  Although you can say I don't have much of a choice since we were just starting off our lives and money was important to our survival.  I chose to continue working instead of staying at home with my son. 

Subsequently, every year, I had the opportunity to revisit this choice but I never really did.  At that time, I work from home.  So even though I was working in my bedroom, I could occasionally take breaks and play with my son.

I had 8 years of bliss.  I held a great job that allowed me to hone my skills professionally and yet allowed me more connection and time with my family.  These 8 years saw me raise 3 kids.  Funny enough, during these 8 years, I often lamented about how nice to be able to work in an actual office with actual colleagues.  After 8 years, the company I was working for decided that they would have an actual physical office instead of virtual ones. 

I never knew what hit me.  It might not have been apparent to my colleagues, but my family felt the change.  In a big way.  I struggled every single day trying to cope with the change.  I was like the duck, seemingly calm above the surface, gliding along, but underneath the surface, I was paddling like crazy.

I don't think I ever recovered from it.  I am still paddling but not as crazy as before.  Why?  Because I made some choices to keep some things the way they were and to give up other things.

This choice that I made 10 years ago, I struggle with it every single day.  My babies are growing up and I am not there enough to see it.  I crave to have more time with them, to understand and discover them, to stand by them and comfort them.  I want to stay at home and watch them grow but more than ever, I need to have a constant stream of income. 

I see my friends all around me struggling with that as well.  You might say I should get comfort from that, but I don't.  Everytime I see a Facebook update on how they are struggling with their own problems - trying help kids adjust to school life, friends fall ill because they have no help, not enough time to love their kids - I feel sad.  Like I say, we have to live with the consequences of the choices we make.  They may not be choices that we want to make but choices we have to make - either way, we have to live with the consequences.

I know this seems like a sad and depressing post.  It is meant to be.  However, by recognizing and admitting to the conflicts and dilemmas that I face on a daily basis, by identifying my challenges - I then see how I can overcome them, how I can then make other choices that can get me out of this conflict, this dilemma. 

I know I will, I just need to choose to make that choice.

Best Sweet Potato Chips in the World

“Said Aristotle unto Plato,
'Have another sweet potato?'
Said Plato unto Aristotle,
'Thank you, I prefer the bottle.'”

Owen Wister (1860-1938) American novelist

I am with Aristotle on that one.

The best food in life is the food that has the least messing around.  No insecticides, no preservatives, no additional processing, no over seasoning. Cooking for my family and friends, I find that the recipes that worked best often are the simplest and has the least amount of cooking.  If you think that by spending a long time in the kitchen, whipping up an elaborate meal is a show of culinary prowess, it is more than further from the truth.  All family and friends want, is really spending time with you.  I have had many meals with just 1 main dish or with half the meal bought, and everyone had loads of fun.

I love chips; potatoes, parsnip, sweet potatoes, yam, lotus root (yes, I tried that and it was heavenly), anything that I can slice (and are root vegetables!) I can make into chips.

I made these sweet potato chips once as a side dish to steak and mushy peas.  The chips became the highlight of dinner and my brood of 4 kids and 1 husband were delighted and gave it more marks than the steak and mushy peas, which took a longer time.  Needless to say, I was surprised as it had not taken much effort.  Here's what I did.

Best Sweet Potato Chips in the World

Ingredients

3 large Sweet Potatoes

Method

1. Remove the skin off the sweet potatoes and soak them in salt water as you work.  Sweet potatoes tend to oxidise when cut and turn an unattractive brown.


2. Using any vegetable peeler, slice sweet potato lengthwise into thin slices.


3. Dry them thoroughly with kitchen towels/clean tea towels and place in fridge to dry out for about 1 hour.


4. I used vegetable oil but you could pretty much use any frying oil.  Deep fry them until slight golden brown.


5. Serves 4 as a side and 1 as a greedy craving.

I have used them as sides but you could use them for family movie nights or a starter.  I have never tried them with a dip yet but I encourage you to try with your favourites.  How about also experimenting with other vegetables?  I would love to hear what works for you!

Why I wrote my last post

If you read my last post, you will see that I listed out the ways that I found work for me as a working mother - Juggling Work and Family.

What I did not explain was why I wrote my last post.  Although it was a challenge from dear husband to list the ways I cope with my busy life, it was my first born son that inspired the last post.

We were chatting (yes I do have time to chat with my kids!), and he told me about his friends in school.  They complained that their parents are always too tired to do anything with them.  Normally they would have 1 or 2 other siblings.  Most have live-in helpers as surrogate caretakers, although some have grandparents.  Others may even lived with their grandparents and only see their parents on weekends.  What puzzled him was why we did not have a live-in helper, our kids did not stay with the grandparents and yet quality time with 4 kids is not eroded.

Now, you must understand that I have a very special little boy here.  He thinks in a very different way from his peers and even from us.  So when he talked to me about this, I was not surprised at all.  I explained that perhaps their parents work long hours and was really drained at the end of the day.  He pointed out that we too were tired, but we still spend time talking to them and doing things together.  Plus, if his friends has a live-in helper, then would that not help the parents not be too tired from the house chores? (and yes we do the house chores ourselves!)

I could tell my efforts in trying to give him time daily from my busy schedule was important to him.  This conversation reminded me that he needs me to be in his life and that he needs to be in mine.  That every conversation, every sharing, every game, every movie, every holiday, every "Mummy, mummy, I have something to show/tell you" answered is important to him.  Even every argument, as I am at least there to have it with him! 

My quest does not stop here.  Although my son may think I am doing a great job, there is always room for improvement.  So I simply have to keep challenging myself to find new ways to keep improving the quality of my interactions with him and being there for him. 

I hope that when the time comes, he will come to me and say, "Mummy, there is this girl...", and I will be more than happy to part of that chapter of his life.

Juggling Work and Family

"How do you manage?"

I get asked that question a lot.  My cheeky answer is always,"I don't.  I struggle."  While that gets lots of laughs and knowing grins, working mothers do REALLY want to know how to manage better. 

After much trial and error, I finally have a method to all the madness, juggling a full time job with a large growing family, that works for me.  Hopefully these practical tips and tricks would also help you in keeping insanity at bay.

1. Draw the line between work and home
   I have outlined how to do that in my previous post - How to draw the line between work and home.


2. Have strict time routine
   This is a a strictly enforced rule in my household.  For instance, bedtime for the kids is at 9pm.  No bargaining, no negotiation, no exceptions.  Even on weekends and schoool holidays (okay, perhaps we bend it sometimes).  This ensures that I have a few hours of time spent either with my dear husband or just some alone time.  The other time routines are waking times, mealtimes, time to move out in the mornings - by keeping to these times strictly, the family knows what to expect and can manage themselves accordingly.


3. Unclutter your life routine
   For instance, I do not cook a separate meal for the younger kids when they turn 2 years old.  This will take 1 thing off my very long list of things to do.  Another thing I do is not to visit the supermarket daily.  I have a running shopping list and try my utmost best to visit only once a week.  This saves time and money.


4. Reduce your committments
   Having another new fanangle enrichment class for your kids, or saying yes to serving in another committee is not going to help you in your quest for balance.  Give time to the only ones that really matter to you and your family.  Remember that most times, when you say yes to such committments, you are in effect saying no to spending time with your family or no to having time to yourself.


5. Delegate
   Not just to husbands or helpers, but to your kids.  My older kids are 10 and 8 years old.  They can make simple breakfasts and snacks for themselves and others, help the younger kids with dressing up and going to the toilet, help to watch their siblings when we are busy with other tasks and also clear and wash their own used cups and dishes.  Before we leave the house, one would open the door and the other would close all the windows in the house.  This not only relieves me from the nitty gritty tasks, it also trains the kids to be more independent.


6. Relax!
   Nevermind if the beds are not made on some days or the children eats junk on others.  By not wanting to always be perfect, I am a more relaxed mother and can focus on things that really matter like understanding and talking to my kids.  Surprise surprise - my dear husband in turn is also more relaxed and therefore, more loving to me.


7. Carve out time for your marriage and yourself
   The "after 9pm" time slot is fiercely guarded, as illustrated in my previous post - No.  The time with my dear husband is important in keeping our love and passion alive.  I also have alone times that I spent sleeping, playing games or writing.  This makes sure that I have time to be me and not just mum or wife.  Guess what that does to my soul?


8. Work with your husband
   While it is nice to have a husband who could read your mind and do the things you want him to do (let's not get ahead of ourselves), most times, it is actually more efficient and effective to tell him (gasp!).  My dear husband tells me it is a relief to know what I want and need exactly as he can then proceed to meet those needs.  Hmm, looks like another post to help our dear husbands!  Stay tuned, gentlemen!

What do you do that works for you in mastering the delicate task of balancing your life?