Children are too dependent on their parents these days. In Singapore, with both parents working, either the foreign helper or grandparents are the main caretakers. Instead of holding the children responsible, these caretakers find it easier just to do everything themselves. It takes too long and it is too tiring to nag at them when you have so many other things to do.
As such, the kids end up not having the necessary life skills to survive in the outside world. My eldest came back from his Primary 5 Adventure camp with a story of a fellow school mate not knowing how to wash his own plate after meals. The teachers had to teach him how to do it. My son was shocked and expressed that he truly appreciated us making him learn how to clean up after meals. If this boy does not even know how to wash his own plate, what other things does he not know how to do?
Our education system is only meant to make sure all the 3 R's (wRiting, Reading, aRithmetic) are taught. Often there is no time to delve into the area of life skills too deeply. Sure, all our schools have activities that help in promoting independence, but it is not enough when these concepts are not reinforced at home. The boy from the camp may have learnt how to wash his plate at the camp but he would slowly lose that skill if he does not need to do it at home.
Yes, eventually they will learn after many painful experiences and bad decisions. But instead of pushing them out into the world after formal education with little or no life skills, why not teach them when they are young? When the stakes are not as high? When mistakes may be painful but not likely to have permanent damage? When they are eager to learn? All it really takes is to weave it into our daily lives.
Both my dear husband and I are working full time. Like a lot of parents in Singapore, have very little time with them as it is. However, on the weekends, my kids are expected to help around the house.
The older kids (9 and 11) are asked to do the following tasks:
- clean up after meals
- fold their own clothes
- help the younger ones with brushing of teeth
- read to the younger ones
- pack their own rooms
- help strap the younger ones in the car if we go out
- help carry groceries from the car
- take out the trash
The younger ones (3 and 5) are asked to do the following tasks:
- pack up the toys after playing
- go to the bathroom and wash their hands without help
- pour their own drinks
- bring their plate and cutlery to the sinks after meals
- dress themselves after showers
- put on their own footwear
In our daily conversations with them, we also tell them (yes even the younger ones):
- how to say no to a pushy salesperson
- what to do during a fire
- how to pack a suitcase
- how to stop a bleeding finger
- educate them on stranger danger
- how to fry an egg
- how to keep safe on the internet
- about sex education
- how to manage finances
Some other things that I would love to teach them down the road are :
- how to read a map
- how to perform the Heimlich maneuver and CPR
- how to grocery shop wisely and look at prices carefully
- how to read a food label
- how to manage conflict more effectively
- how to read a bill
- how to manage stress by learning relaxation techniques
- how to sew a button
It is not enough to be paranoid and stop our kids from living their lives, controlling what they do or who they talk to. They will grow up whether you like it or not. Having these skills will help keep them street smart and safe from your worst nightmares. One day, you will have to let go, and knowing they are well equipped, together with a good education, will help you sleep better at night.
What tools are you giving your kids to equip them for life?
Very well written!
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