Negotiation

I negotiate every day - at work and at home.

I negotiate with my manager regarding my workload, I negotiate with my team regarding conflicts in datelines, I negotiate with my peers regarding assignments, I negotiate with my clients regarding what is in scope and what is not, I negotiate contracts and pricing.

I negotiate with my parents regarding babysitting times, I negotiate with the air-condition service man regarding servicing times, I negotiate with my kids regarding bedtimes and homework and dinner, I negotiate with my husband regarding who calls the estate agent to yell at him, I negotiate interest rates with the bank.

I googled  "negotiation" and found on this website a very nice definition of the word.

"Negotiation is the art and science of securing agreement and creating value between two or more parties."

It is more an art than science to me .  You see, I negotiate emotionally.  No, I don't mean yelling, crying or saying hurtful words.  What I mean is that, I sense the emotions in the room, between the parties, and say the appropriate things to make things work.  I also make use of my own emotions - I suppress strong feelings like injustice or anger - but yet let displeasure or difficulty show through if I think it will help.

I may have an end state in my head but I rarely have a step by step plan.  I try not to strive to win but strive to come to common ground, that is, "creating value".  Of course, not every negotiation I have goes well, although it does get better with age.  I will not go as far as to say I manipulate but I know what to say in order to get the other party to come to the same conclusion.  And sometimes, I just say what I need and wait for the other to respond.

And yes, sometimes my emotional negotiation ends up in tears or stomping of feet or slamming of doors, me or the other party.  At that point, it does feel bad.  It does not take me long to buck up and try another tack.  This is when I am in a relatively good place at that point of time.  If not (like if I have had a bad day), I will clam up and not want to do anything.  I am not perfect, but this is something that I am trying to change, to keep my pride in a safe place, and play nice.

If you ask me what is the one most imp0rtant thing I learn through my daily negotiations, I would tell you, the ability to keep an open mind that there is more than one way to solve the problem.  As a person with a strong personality, this is not my strong trait.  I am opinionated and have a rather straight-laced way of solving problems.  Over the years, I have learnt to listen and be open to the possibility that things can be done another way - the other person's way.  This in turn have open my mind and improve my negotiation skills.  The question, "What do you suggest?" now features in my negotiation conversations.

I am sure all you working mothers out there negotiate like I do, on a daily basis.  What is the most important thing you have learnt going about your daily negotiation?  I would love to hear from you.